As I begin to write these letters to myself, this being the first of many, I will preface the concept with a set of lessons I have gathered over my time and things I wish I had known a lot sooner. These posts, along with short form videos posted will share these small drops of wisdom so that someone else may benefit. They may not be polished, but life hardly is, and I think there is something to be said about the ruggedness of a lesson.
One of the leaders in my life had a sticker on her laptop that emphasized relationships first. In this case it was a sticky note that read something along the lines of “Relationships before work.” I had always thought it was an interesting, but until about a month ago, I didn’t actually understand why. Despite believing that I had a firm grasp on what seemed like a simple subject, I was very quickly proven my assumptions were false.
About a month ago I had asked my best friend, because she is an artist, to join a project I want to work on. I was quickly met with a “No”. The reason? I had previously offered to help give insight for a project that she had been working on. In my desire to keep myself busy in between college, work and life I was so heavily focused on myself and what I was doing that I let the relationships in my life suffer.
This was a sharp slap in the face that I had been so hyper-focused on everything else in my life I had just expected everyone in my life to be a static piece to my dynamic puzzle. She was not the only one either, I let it bleed over into other friendships and even romantic relationships where I continued to fill my schedule to the brim. Task and project, one after another took time from my day as I walked away from the people in my life.
Coming from a point of reflection now, I can see that in many ways I expected people to be there for me when I was hardly ever there for them. In training for affective needs education we are taught that we cannot pull from an empty bank and need to build a healthy and positive relationship with children before you begin to correct or apply consequences for behavior.
This applies in all aspects of life, and now I understand that the work will always be there, the universe will always reward someone who works hard with more work to complete. However, we cannot assume the same of relationships, people will not pour energy into someone who does not reciprocate the effort.
When it comes to the concept of “relationships first” it is always important to remind ourselves that the work will always be there, but the people in our lives, and our relationships with them, require us to apply equal effort to thrive and grow. If we fail to respect our relationships we may turn around one day to see that they have left us behind and the connection has withered, and that is not a regret I would like to have later on in life.
Arynuk 